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A Simple Letter
Topic Started: Jun 14 2015, 01:13 PM (1,429 Views)
Shiroi Jigoku
Elemental

*warning: possible sap story ahead. Read at own risk*

It's been a while since I've been on here (but apparently not too long, because I made a post in 2014? I legit do not remember my brief reprise last year O.o), but I certainly have done the whole "hey guys, I'm back!" thing waaaaaaay too much. So, instead of doing that, I thought I'd just write this letter to you all. Hopefully, I do actually stick around, but only time will really tell.

So first, a little introduction - I'm known here by many, many names. The most common being Betty, and possibly most well known for my Incest! brother. Truth be told, unless you were on the forums from around 2007-2009, you probably won't know who I am - if you did frequent them then, I honestly would not be surprised if you had forgotten about me. But this place certainly was a massive deal to me back then, so I like to think you guys remember.

See, I originally joined the Temple because I was going through a Golden Sun phase at the time - but, this was coupled with a few things. Social anxieties and a lack of social skills meant I really sucked at doing the whole "school" thing - but internet forums were an escape. In particular, I frequented Gamefaqs - in fact, I had made quite a home on the Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories boards before and during my stay at the Temple - but it wasn't long before I found my way here.

This place was great for so many reasons - there were people here I could relate to, people who were fun to talk to, but mostly people who could accept me. Considering I found this place at the beginning of high school (middle school for non-Aussies), this was amazing. However, I very quickly craved face-to-face contact, and around 2009-2010, my activity on here dwindled. Whilst the Temple was an escape for me, it did mean that when I no longer needed an escape, there was nothing to keep me here - I still had a large circle of friends from here, but I never felt particularly close to any of them, mainly because at the time I couldn't feel close to anyone.

It was the weirdest thing, actually - I didn't make friends because I couldn't. I lacked a specific amount of empathy that actually entailed feeling closeness with someone. This all changed when I met a specific girl (holy shit the cliche right now). She taught me how to feel this empathy and actually want to be friends with someone - and this so very quickly evolved in more than admiration to the point that I became a stalker.

I am *DEFINITELY* not proud of it, but I turned into one of those creepy stalkers you hear about.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, lawsuits were threatened, school got pissed (remember: still 16 yo and in high school [now "actual" high school]), I moved schools for a week, I got depressed, all those other really sad things, blegh. Anyway, my life went so crazy, I couldn't come on here. I hated my predicament, I hated my emotionless, and in general I just hated myself. The irony being I needed the escape of the temple then more than ever before. But, I couldn't - and I'd keep trying to come back, but I just could not stay.

Anyway, shit happened, and I eventually regained some composure. I didn't fully recover until some time last year, when I fell in love. The best part being that the love wasn't a girl - it was mathematics.

This may or may not be surprising to the people who knew me - I was quite artsy for most of my life, and this side of me particularly shined whenever I was here. However, after enrolling into a science degree at university (which was the fastest turnaround ever, people are still surprised I'm doing it), I now have a love in mathematics. I won't go crazy into it (mainly because I know the thoughts of most people who have done any maths ever), but there's something so nice about it - so simplistic, so calming, and yet so beautiful. I don't expect someone to understand my feelings for the fact that a Branching process with offspring distribution Binomial(2,1/2) is guaranteed to one day die out, but yet on average will do so in infinite time, is absolutely remarkable. But, I hope you can at least enjoy just how [radio edit]ing pretty this random walk of pi is.

Which is essentially a short summary of my life so far. But something I really haven't pointed out (or have but don't feel like I have), is just how much I love this place.

Despite my inability to truly stick around anymore, this place once meant the world to me - and is still a super important thing I want in my life. Some of the best moments of my life hold the Temple there, as a place I could run away to, and feel happy. Despite the fact I was a massive jerk at first, you guys put up with me, and as I slowly got over myself, you all turned into the friends that I could never have but knew I wanted. [radio edit], if I want to go around naming names, I distinctly remembering one of my coming back out of nowhere points, where Peo (plz tell me we still call you Peo, so many name changes ;__;) was so excited to see me when I never even thought we were that close - it still warms my heart to think that at some point in my life, someone was that excited to see me. The fact that I could never stay really tore my heart a bit (I'm actually tearing up a little writing this). The reason I couldn't stay was because I could no longer be happy, which brings me to why I'm back.

My life [radio edit]ing rocks right now (and I think I'm used to swearing a lot more than the censors are probably allowing. >.>;)

Looking around, this place seems to hold the same "some people have it tough, some are lucky, but we're all friends so who really cares?" attitude that really grew on me. But right now, despite living in a country where your leader seems to do everything he can to make your life difficult, slowly accumulating a massive debt for a degree that will probably get me nowhere (lel maths PhDs, m i rite?) and currently being in the middle of possibly having to be an unmedicated epileptic, I'm super happy with where my life is right now. Remembering this place, I figured that even if this isn't enough to actually make me stick, you all at the very least deserved me coming here to tell you how much you all meant to me, and why I couldn't be around all the time like I wanted.

tl;dr, I love you all, even if I don't know you yet. I couldn't stick because I wasn't happy, but now I am, so life is good. This definitely isn't a shout of "I'm back everyone, love me plz", but it's also not a "I'm never coming back soznotsoz". More of a "you guys mean a shit-ton to me, and I want to tell you that. If I can do it, I want to stick around this time - for real".
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UltaFlame
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Thanks Poui.

Math degrees are actually kind of versatile, I thought? Shouldn't be hard to find somewhere to earn a living if you can go up to them and say "Yeah, numbers - I got those for you."
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Aevis Martius Ravi
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Origins

I recall the username you currently have.. I joined in like early 2013, I think. Maybe you did pop-in sometime since then and now, dunno. I could be recalling it from the necrobumping phase I went through.

Anyways, hi, always good to see members coming back and whatnot.
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Phoenix7
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Odyssey, ya see~ Odyssey, ya see~

Seeing people return is a great thing and I enjoyed chatting to you. :3 Even though I think such moments were far and few.

You've always stuck me as quite academic, so your passion for Maths isn't a huge surprise. And you've found something to really sink your time and energy into, which is a good thing as it drives away that sense of worthlessness. I think a really nice thing about Temple is that, though it certainly can provide an escape, getting involved within the forum results in keeping you here not just as an outlet for real life problems, but to communicate and friends and hang out, because we all mean a lot to one another. Even if we wage war at times because we disagree about waifus.

And yes, I'm still Peo. I hope you stick around, but its fantastic to hear how you've been!
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Saturos
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heart-under-blade

Gasp, hey Shiroi! Welcome back, it's good to see you again. It sounds like you made some mistakes in your past, but at least you acknowledge them as such and you're moving forward in the future.
Mathematics definitely sounds like a beautiful thing to fall in love with. I don't have the technical know-how to do the math myself, but admiring the mathematical beauty of chaos theory/fractals, pi, and (more on the physics side of things) particle collisions, wavefunctions... the laws of nature and physics are definitely beautiful, and there's something very elegant about an efficiently written formula... even if I can't engage with it on the level you can.

A PhD in mathematics sounds fantastic, though! Do your best!

And yes, you did come back in 2014. >.> You joined the Fate/RP and then vanished. D:
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Shiroi Jigoku
Elemental

Maths degrees either have the best or worst employment opportunities depending on who you talk to. From my discussion with a lot of people, everybody seems to know someone with a maths degree who cannot get a job - of course, everyone who has a job says there are plenty of opportunities, so...

Nice to meetcha, sun n.n

Disagreement about waifus? Where?! D: and yeah, I think a lot of it was through the good ol' Skype machine I never use.

I'm a bad person, Satty. :3 But yeah, I thought Fate/RP was ages ago. .__. I distinctly joined it to somewhat force myself into staying... Aaaand that didn't really work out much. >.>;

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Kiki
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Kiki Martius Chantico

hi there! *waves* welcome back! Always good to have old faces return. Yay math!
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Clawford
has no style

Clawford looks around at all the people who like math. "Not sure if they're secretly jovians or in wrong clan."
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FrozenWrath
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Somebody

So you're Betty. Hm, I see. No offense or anything.

Well, it's nice to meet another person from the Temple's past.
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Shiroi Jigoku
Elemental

FrozenWrath
Jun 15 2015, 12:15 AM
So you're Betty. Hm, I see. No offense or anything.

Well, it's nice to meet another person from the Temple's past.
...
.__.
.___.
.____.

I mean, I wouldn't have taken offence, but now I don't know what to feel. >.<; Herro~


And yus Kiki~ Good to see that there are some people I'll know still around. :P (of course, looking forward to getting to know everyone else~)

And oi now Clawford - maths isn't only for Jovians. >(
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( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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hello person I don't yet know, welcome back ^-^
I'm one of the new guys, only been around for two months or so.
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Dracobolt
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Incorrigible

Heyyyyy, it's you! =D I'm glad to hear you've found something you're so passionate about, and I hope you do stick around.

:mercury_djinn: :mercury_djinn: :mercury_djinn:
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Shiroi Jigoku
Elemental

Nice to meet you, person-who-will-forever-remind-me-of-Deltora-Quest (seriously, is that your namesake? Because if so, AWESOME)

Yusss, it be me! n.n And hopefully I will stay around~ I do have plenty of lurking time on my hands now, so hopefully it'll be easier.
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Momentime
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uh oh

good to see you back bruh
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Asphodel
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Electric Indigo

Hi, Shiroi! Your name definitely seems familiar, though I don't think you were active when I joined...?

Glad you decided to return. This place is pretty conducive to coolity. =D
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Seraphim
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~Burning Upon My Pyre~

I literally JUST realized that Shiroi Jigoku = Kuroi Arashi after you answered me in the snoutbox a day or so ago and not bothering to check your sig. [radio edit], I'm getting slow.

Regardless, glad to have you back, mate. *tips hat* I'm still the same old Seraphim you saw wandering the forum from time to time, and recently have made the move to be more active. Also Yukari fanboying, but that's nothing new.

...really. It isn't.
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Ian889
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Death comes to all of those who oppose me.

I don't remember you don't take it personally I hardly remember anyone. I'm glad that you've found happiness and welcome back.
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Shiroi Jigoku
Elemental

Hello again, Shads~

I sometimes appear on Skype, Asphodel, if you're on there? I think there was a brief period where I was active there but not here, around about 2013.

Sera~~~ :D ... But I don't know who Yukari is. .__. *Shiroi Jigoku hides*

That's fine, Ian. My activity or the past few years was quite poorly kept up. >.>;
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Tange9t
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Spooky

sup kuroi :
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Airi
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There's no way I'll lose!

Pretty late, but wow it's nice to see you! Especially nice to hear your life is going well right now. I hope you end up getting a decent job after school and, regardless, continue enjoying life. :3 And yesh, I definitely remember you! It would be hard not to, since you were one of the main active members back when I was fairly new, and you seemed cool.
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