- Ah yes, here's the poster that Storm was referencing. It's on her goddamn ceiling so we have to see it every [radio edit]ing time she logs out.

- I swear, every moment we see Suguha/Leafa has to include a shot of her cleavage.

- "And then, I became hopelessly addicted to Alfheim Online." Just like how this anime is hopelessly addicted to butts.

- Here, have another shot of [rainbow]precious imouto[/rainbow] cleavage.

- Oh yes, here's Recon in real life compared to his avatar. Look at how important he is! LOOK AT HIM.

- I see we're going for the good ol' "nice guy stuck in the friendzone" stereotype. I wonder how long it will take for him to accumulate enough friendship points to finally hit dat [rainbow]precious imouto[/rainbow] cleavage in the sack?

- I can't let m'lady out into the internet with some filthy Spriggan! +5 friendship points, Recon.

- Who knows what he could do to harm your fragile, inoocent self? You should stick with me! Not only am I constantly underestimating your strength, but I also stand like I'm constipated when talking with you for extended durations! I should get 10 friendship points for that.

- Wow SAO, not even five minutes into the episode and she's already taking her clothes off. It's a bit early for me to be having [rainbow]precious imouto[/rainbow] flavored cheesecake.

- And by [rainbow]precious imouto[/rainbow] flavored, I mean red velvet with cream cheese.

- "I'm just his guide." Yeah, uh huh. Just his guide.

- Look at that fine piece of cheesecake, gentlemen. Such immaculate marbling.

But hey, it's not the camera's fault for staring longingly at this middle schooler's massive rack, it's your fault for being a goddamn pervert! Here at SAO, we view our little girls with naught but the purest intent! Shame on you!

- The moment Sugufa walks into the room, Kirito also happens to log into the same place. Wasn't he resting somewhere else when he logged out? This is almost as unrealistic as when Kirito somehow met up with Sugufa in the forest.

- Just in case you've forgotten that you're looking at Kirito's sister, here's another shot of Sugufa's cleavage.

- Kirito's current sword obviously isn't good enough to go out adventuring with. We'll have to get him a better weapon. Possibly something similar to his old blades: light, compact, and sleek in design. Man, as much as I'd like to hate on the character designs in this anime, Kirito's swords were pretty cool-looking.

- LOL JUST KIDDING LETS GO WITH A BIGGER, GIRTHIER SWORD.



I BET LISBETH WOULD POLISH THAT SWORD ANYDAY.

- Wait, that's what the towers are for? Man, [radio edit] this game.

- "Are you leaving the party, Leafa?" More like she's LEAFING the party!



That's Sigurd, by the way. Don't mind him, I'll be here all day.

- Oh man, Sugufa already under hot water from her superiors. Even though she was guaranteed an out from the guild from Sigurd himself, he has the audacity to change his mind! How unreasonable!

- Looks like it's time to step in and protect m'lady's honor!

- "I'm saying you can't permaequip players like you would your favorite sword or armor"



- Now, to a reasonable person like me, I'd get a bit offended that this nobody was going all up in my business. But I'd just kindly inform him that this is a Sylph affair and that this is none of his goddamn business what happens to subordinates. That would surely put a crack in Kirito's righteousness, wouldn't it? Wouldn't that be a bit refreshing to see for a change?

- LOLNOPE. INSTEAD OF SORTING THIS OUT REASONABLY WE'RE GONNA GET RACIST.

- OH WOW HE'S GOING TO KILL KIRITO FOR SPEAKING IN CRYPTIC METAPHORS.

- But wait! He should not be making a scene with all these people around! That would hurt his reputation even further. You thought this anime didn't already make him look undeserving of his position? Think again. I swear, no one deserves what they have in this anime. Except Kirito, of course. He deserves only the best.

- "The sky is so close, I can almost reach out and touch it"



- Sugufa laments the state of ALO with its rigid organizations when at its core it's supposed to be a FLYING MMO OF FREEDOM AND APPLE PIE.

'MURICA.

- HEY, LISTEN.

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY

...

LISTEN.

- Yui's idea of establishing relationships apparently involves kissing people on the cheek like it's [radio edit]ing Europe or something. Child, that sort of contact can be construed as something other than "clear and simple". That can be [radio edit]ing creepy.

No wonder she's still calling Kirito "papa".

- Then Recon climbs up the building to talk to Leafa instead of, say, messaging her. Like a normal, respectful individual would. Nope. Not Recon. +5 friendship points for making the obvious effort to gaze upon that glorious [rainbow]precious imouto[/rainbow]cleavage!

- Look at that tiny blade, uguu~ Kirito-kun's is so much longer. Girthier. Blacker.

- Kirito obviously starts shipping Sugufa and Recon, and Yui has no choice but to confirm how right he is.

- Sorry Peo, this is the only birdcage around.

- Sugou is still doing Sugou things to Asuna and she's all flaccid and defiant and shit. Just how I like my women.

- "It's just a fake body" Sugou complains as he is busily groping her body.

- I'd think it would be more of a goddamn personal space issue, but instead it's a matter of Asuna's purity. Oh, woe is me! I'm afraid I won't be [rainbow]perfect waifu[/rainbow] material when Kirito inevitably swoops in and saves me!

Besides, isn't it already implied that they did the nasty in that cabin in the woods? What the [radio edit] is she complaining about purity?

- Sugou classically underestimating the hero. You found this out by what, meeting him in real life? How's that even remotely indicative of his e-peen levels?

- "You should have seen his face when I told him [...] I was going to marry you next week. I almost burst out laughing!" Me too, Sugou. Me too.

- Now he's assuming that Kirito would never want to go back into the virtual world. Because of what, exactly? Threatening to NTR your [rainbow]perfect waifu[/rainbow] is assuredly the best method of deterring the hero from hero-ing his way to his beloved [rainbow]perfect waifu[/rainbow]!

- Wait, so the mosaic disappears when she's observing the keypad through the mirror? Not only is that literally impossible to view from this angle, but man. Sugou is too dumb for his position. As is everyone else. Except for Kirito, of course! Kirito is perfect.

- What a shitty logout mechanic.

- SHE'S GONNA DO IT GUYS. SHE'S GONNA FIND OUT THAT KIRITO'S PLAYING ALO AT THE SAME TIME SHE IS.

- LOLNOPE, LET'S LEAVE DINNER FOR PRECIOUS ONII-CHAN.

- I'm feeling a cleavage deficit! Let's peep in the shower!

- "I'm... excited" Sugu's excited, guys.

- Bitch, mirror fog doesn't work that way. Not in a steaming, enclosed shower room.

- "It's not like I've fallen in love with him or anything"



Confirmed.

- Now it's Kirito's turn to logout for a bit. Looks like it's Sugufa's chance to sidle up next to him and be all doki doki and shit.

- Yui still being a shit. Sugufa then contemplates an infinitely better reason why she'd be so attached to Kirito.

- WASN'T THAT A CLOSE ONE, GUYS. WE ALMOST ENDED THE INCEST SUBPLOT.

- Kirito says they're being watched. therefore, they're definitely being watched.

- All these hooded figures rise up from the brushes for no [radio edit]ing reason other than to look menacing to the viewer. So scary.

- Sugufa tells Kirito that his Spriggan magic is useless in battles, therefore Kirito will prove her wrong by using it to win a fight.

- "Just so you know, the more advanced spells have around twenty words"



[radio edit] this shit, I'm out.

- Recon resolves to send a message instead of flying all the way to meet Sugufa. -15 Friendship points.

- I'm pretty sure two of those glyphs spell out "dik". Also, this is an illusion spell in reaction to being followed by a familiar. Remember that bat from earlier? Turns out Kirito was right. But who honestly expects Kirito to be wrong about these sorts of things?

Also Sugufa pls no double standarino. Also don't [radio edit]ing shout your spell when you're trying to hide.

- I thought you already blew your cover by chanting that spell so loudly! In a goddamn cave!

- "Is it a bat?" No Kirito, those are boobs. The Kingdoms of God. The Fleshy Fun Puffs.

- Man, this show likes to give us all these settings to look at. I wouldn't have a problem with the show throwing those around willy-nilly as long as the story is more interesting as a result. Instead, I'm feeling the opposite way: this show would probably be more fun if they actually went around worldbuilding and shit.

- I mean, c'mon. That's pretty as [radio edit].

- Man, this [radio edit]ing game. If you can legitimately obstruct someone from entering a town using just one spell, I'd ragequit in a second.

- Welp, they're stuck on the bridge and there's people pursuing them. Why not jump in the water? Well, since you asked that, let's put a broken OP serpent in the water so that we cover all our bases!

- Don't talk to me about tough, woman. I'm all the tough you'll ever need.

- "Leafa, it's not that I don't trust in your sword skills..."

"...but could you act as my support instead?"



- 'Cuz you see, if I were to go all out here it might cause harm to m'lady. I'm sure you'd be less threatening as a sitting duck.

- You know, if they're hiding the identity of their pursuers until this exact moment, I'd expect something a bit more, uh, epic. Instead, we get a far-off shot of twelve people who suddenly appeared on the bridge with no warning.

- So we have a typical party setup (tanks in the front, healers in the middle, mages in the back), and Kirito thinks the brightest idea is to start slashing at the tanks. So of course he does chump damage. Of course the healers top off the tanks. Of course the mages throw fireballs at Kirito.

- "This team was designed to fight Kirito-kun!"



- Sugufa does make a legitimate point that dying in ALO doesn't mean actual death, just a long wait time. So despite how hard (and smartly, if I may add!) Kirito is trying to kill these guys, it doesn't really matter who wins or loses.

- But nope, Kirito isn't going to let any party members die. Not this time! Not when dying actually doesn't matter as much!

- And does Sugufa do anything to counter that outrageous claim? Nothing except put a hand on her cleavage and do some sort of half-grunt half-moan sort of thing Japanese people do when they get hit by an ONCOMING TRUTH BOMB.

- we ff vii now

- Okay, now that he's been tanked and spanked several times over by this team comp, Kirito will enact a new, foolproof battle plan:

Step 1: Raise your power level by screaming really loud.

Step 2: Use hand to pry past the tank line's shields. Bonus points if you look really, really pissed and/or constipated.

Step 3: Uh...

Well, what happens next? Don't tell me this is all you have going for you. Wait, it is?



- HEY, LISTEN. Sugufa! Do a thing!

- Don't question her eyes, those [rainbow]perfect daughteru[/rainbow] eyes! She's totes trustworthy, and would never lie to you.

- Lookie here, Kirito's doing some lame Spriggan magic! Keep note of what Sugufa says here. It will only make him look like a monster.

- "Is that you, Kirito-kun?"



- Illusion magic may be impressive but it shouldn't allow Kirito to impale people and hold them at great heights with those gigantic hands. Does this show even continuity.

- Would MMO players honestly be scared of an in-game mechanic, especially if a player does it? I'd guess that people would know what Spriggans do as well as any other race, so what makes this unnerving at all? None of them die, either, so it's not like the fear of death is gonna make them break formation either!

- Remember guys, illusion magic! Not even once!

- Now he's charging over towards the backline and rather than bowl them over with his mass he'd, uh, leap at them? Okay?

- Now see there's a perfect explanation of why Kirito is able to smack them with his tail! It's because [radio edit] YOU.

- The less insulting interpretation of the final goon jumping to his demise is that he really didn't want the exp to go to Kirito. But let's just assume he's an idiot like every other [radio edit]ing enemy in Kirito's way and didn't know about the broken OP serpent in the lake.

- "If I was alone, I would've been killed in no time." Well, except for the fact that you can turn into a more-than-convincing minotaur that can kill players with one swipe. How long have you been playing this game, again?

- Praise the lord, Sugufa fails to not make it gay. I thought this show's gay making days were over.

- Anyway, they learn that the group was told to pursue the two for reasons unknown. I'm shocked that players in ALO choose to stick to real life conventions in a videogame.

Also, of course the guy has to be sitting down like that when tensions are already over. Because we can't have him standing equal to our heroes. Oh no, that would be troublesome indeed.

- That's not what I imagined when he said an army of salamanders.

- "I go berserk during battle and don't remember what happened"



- Sugufa asks what the digital players tasted like. And then Kirito up and chomps on her fingers like he would to, say, a little sister as a mischievous ploy.

Problem is, he doesn't know that Sugufa is actually his sister. So this comes off as majorly creepy.

- "It was just a joke to lighten up the mood after all that carnage"



- Can't see Sugufa's cleavage well enough. Get your shit together, SAO.

- Much better.

- Obviously something happened to Recon. He sends an incomplete message and he's somehow not able to respond despite still being online. Also, is Recon Sugufa's only friend on ALO or something? She doesn't even bother to try friending Kirito at some point?

- We know we're boring you with all the race wars going on in ALO, so have some [rainbow]precious imouto[/rainbow] cleavage to spice up the mood.

- As per usual SAO protocol, someone who acts like an asshole around Kirito has to be legitimately evil. Sigurd has been siding with the Salamanders all along! Those were the same people who attacked Kirito and Sugufa!



- Seems there is some official peace treaty thingie going on in neutral territory and Sigurd has ordered the Salamanders to kill them all. Doesn't sound pressing enough to you? Here's a flash of lightning to seal the deal!

- Because of this, Leafa must leave Kirito on his own. But Kirito, being such the knight he is, will end up probably solving her problem single-handedly.

- Man, this race system sounds like bullshit. What's the [radio edit]ing deal with these games and taxes? I thought people play games in order to get away from that shit.

- This is definitely not Kirito's problem. Doesn't he have a [rainbow]perfect waifu[/rainbow] to be saving right about now? Sugufa makes the honest point that if the Salamanders are successful, that Kirito could just side with them and be that much closer to successfully climbing the World Tree (these subs call it Yggdrasil).

- "Kill if you want to kill, and steal if you want to steal. I used to think that way, too." What's this? An attempt to show character development in Kirito?



- "There are things we have to protect because we're in a virtual world"



Wait a minute. Hold on.

This isn't any different than when he was in SAO. Protecting what's dear to him and shit? That's what he already does, even back when he was a bit more of a cynic about it. He just didn't have as many things to care about back then.

What am I even getting excited about?

- "I like you, Leafa"



"I want to be your friend"