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ITT: We post the Garm Essay
Topic Started: Jun 21 2010, 08:16 AM (603 Views)
Dreaming Sun
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Garm
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Deleted User
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No. :trollface:
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UltaFlame
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Thanks Poui.

Denied.
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Phoenix7
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Odyssey, ya see~ Odyssey, ya see~

Posted Image
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The Phantom Squee
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Sound the horn and call the cry: "How many of them can we make die?"

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
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The Phantom Squee
Jun 21 2010, 01:54 PM
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
I'm aware this is a joke post, but when you posted this in that topic in the Welcome and Goodbye forum (can't remember what topic), it was part of what inspired me to change my character style to Samurai. >_> Because it is true.
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The Phantom Squee
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Sound the horn and call the cry: "How many of them can we make die?"

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Katana" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Bastard Swords deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Bastard Sword in Germany for 10,000 Euros (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my Bastard Sword.

European smiths spend years working on a single Bastard Sword and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Bastard Swords are thrice as sharp as Japanese swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a Daisho can cut through, a Bastard Sword can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a Bastard Sword could easily bisect a samurai wearing pieces of wood for armor with a simple horizontal slash.

Ever wonder why Japan never bothered conquering Medieval Europe? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Knights and their Bastard Swords of destruction. Even in World War II, Japanese soldiers targeted the men with the Bastard Swords first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Bastard Swords are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Bastard Swords:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Bastard Swords in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Bastard Swords need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
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Kula Diamond
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atlus tracts

oh you
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The Phantom Squee
Jun 21 2010, 02:04 PM
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Katana" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Bastard Swords deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Bastard Sword in Germany for 10,000 Euros (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my Bastard Sword.

European smiths spend years working on a single Bastard Sword and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Bastard Swords are thrice as sharp as Japanese swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a Daisho can cut through, a Bastard Sword can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a Bastard Sword could easily bisect a samurai wearing pieces of wood for armor with a simple horizontal slash.

Ever wonder why Japan never bothered conquering Medieval Europe? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Knights and their Bastard Swords of destruction. Even in World War II, Japanese soldiers targeted the men with the Bastard Swords first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Bastard Swords are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Bastard Swords:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Bastard Swords in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Bastard Swords need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
My dreams have been crushed. What have you done, Squee?!
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Kris, Awooer of Worlds
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Awoo!

Garm essay should be used for trolling. D:<
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UltaFlame
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Thanks Poui.

Yarn
Jun 21 2010, 03:54 PM
Garm essay should be used for trolling. D:<
Note how everybody thus far has refused to post it?
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I remember those topics you just kept posting the Garm Essay over and over again for like 4-5 pages straight :U
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Seoulbowz
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Supergeil

Garm is the Sacred Twin black axe of Grado. Garm is S-Ranked, meaning a unit must have an S-Rank in axes to use it. Due to the fact that a unit can only one S-Rank, a, say, a Warrior must choose between S-Ranking Bows or S-Ranking Axes. However, I slightly lied. Lyon can S-Rank both Dark Magic and Staves. In Fire Emblem 6: Fuuin no Tsurugi, a unit can S-Rank all possible weapons it can use. Therefore, a FE6 unit, to be specific, a FE6 Paladin, the best of which is Zealot, could use Garm, Audhulma, and Vidofnir. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. A FE6 unit could not use Fire Emblem 8: The Sacred Stones weapons. However, it can use FE6 weapons. Therefore, it can use the Armads, Durandal, and Malte. However, it can not use all three at once, unless the game has been significantly altered and the Paladin has three arms. But that's slightly off-topic, I digress. We are talking about FE8 because we are on the FE8 board. The possible wielders of Garm are, in order of appearance, Gilliam, Franz, Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Forde, Amelia, Duessel, Gerik, Dozla, Caellach, and Fado. Quite a large portion of FE8's cast can use Garm. However, many of these units can only use axes post-promotion, therefore increasing the difficulty of getting them an S-Rank in axes. It can be done easier, however, if you use the Devil Axe. The Devil Axe gives 8 times as much axe weapon experience as most other axes or most other weapons. However, the Devil Axe is very heavy and very innaccurate. Also, it can backfire and do damage to the user equal to the damage it would've done to the opponent. The Devil Axe is risky but it has a good potential benefit for the user. Garm gives a +5 bonus to Speed. This is good because many of the potential Garm wielders could benefit from the boost. In appearance of order, I mean order of appearance, they are Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Duessel, Dozla, Caellach and Fado. None of them have good Speed. The stereotypical axe user often lacks Speed. A notable exception to this is Dart from Fire Emblem 7: Rekka no Ken. Dart has an impressive Speed stat, so giving Dart the Garm axe would increase his Speed to make it quite high. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. Please punish me in a kinky way. Back to what I was saying. Dart cannot use Garm, despite the fact that the only weapon type he can use, let alone S-Rank, is axes. Why, you ask? Garm does nto, I mean, not, exist in FE7. However, Basilikos does. Basilikos could be considered an inferior version of Garm. I'm sorry, but I am digressing from the point I am trying to make. Please reprimand me if I do this again. Garm is acquired upon completing Eirika's Chapter 15: Scorched Sand or Ephraim's Chapter 14: Father and Son. Interestingly, the son does not appear during the Chapter. I'm sorry, i, I mean I, slightly lied again. The son, Lyon, appears in conversation scenes before and after the main conflict in Father and Son. However, I am slightly digressing. Upon completion of said Chapter(s), Garm, along with Gleipnir, are added to the main character's inventory. However, something interesting happens when the main character's inventory is full. I am sorry, what happens isn't very interesting. Something truly interesting does happen when the main character's inventory and the Supply convoy is full. In the first instance, you will have to send two of the main character's items to Supply, and you will have to discard two of the main character's items in the latter circumstance. This creates the interesting paradox where the sacred relics of Grado can be simply discarded. This is interesting because such powerful items, two of the eight used to defeat the feared Demon King, are merely thrown away. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. SMACK MY ASS BABY! DO IT NOW! Only seven of those items can be used against the Demon King. Latona, the Holy Staff of Rausten, cannot be used against the Demon King because it is a staff that heals all of your units except the one who uses it. However, it has little strategic use because getting one of your units to S-Rank Staves is worthless. I'm sorry, I digressed yet again. Please discipline me, Master.
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Hisui
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Seccy "no fun allowed" Secundum

Garm is the Sacred Twin black axe of Grado. Garm is S-Ranked, meaning a unit must have an S-Rank in axes to use it. Due to the fact that a unit can only one S-Rank, a, say, a Warrior must choose between S-Ranking Bows or S-Ranking Axes. However, I slightly lied. Lyon can S-Rank both Dark Magic and Staves. In Fire Emblem 6: Fuuin no Tsurugi, a unit can S-Rank all possible weapons it can use. Therefore, a FE6 unit, to be specific, a FE6 Paladin, the best of which is Zealot, could use Garm, Audhulma, and Vidofnir. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. A FE6 unit could not use Fire Emblem 8: The Sacred Stones weapons. However, it can use FE6 weapons. Therefore, it can use the Armads, Durandal, and Malte. However, it can not use all three at once, unless the game has been significantly altered and the Paladin has three arms. But that's slightly off-topic, I digress. We are talking about FE8 because we are on the FE8 board. The possible wielders of Garm are, in order of appearance, Gilliam, Franz, Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Forde, Amelia, Duessel, Gerik, Dozla, Caellach, and Fado. Quite a large portion of FE8's cast can use Garm. However, many of these units can only use axes post-promotion, therefore increasing the difficulty of getting them an S-Rank in axes. It can be done easier, however, if you use the Devil Axe. The Devil Axe gives 8 times as much axe weapon experience as most other axes or most other weapons. However, the Devil Axe is very heavy and very innaccurate. Also, it can backfire and do damage to the user equal to the damage it would've done to the opponent. The Devil Axe is risky but it has a good potential benefit for the user. Garm gives a +5 bonus to Speed. This is good because many of the potential Garm wielders could benefit from the boost. In appearance of order, I mean order of appearance, they are Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Duessel, Dozla, Caellach and Fado. None of them have good Speed. The stereotypical axe user often lacks Speed. A notable exception to this is Dart from Fire Emblem 7: Rekka no Ken. Dart has an impressive Speed stat, so giving Dart the Garm axe would increase his Speed to make it quite high. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. Please punish me in a kinky way. Back to what I was saying. Dart cannot use Garm, despite the fact that the only weapon type he can use, let alone S-Rank, is axes. Why, you ask? Garm does nto, I mean, not, exist in FE7. However, Basilikos does. Basilikos could be considered an inferior version of Garm. I'm sorry, but I am digressing from the point I am trying to make. Please reprimand me if I do this again. Garm is acquired upon completing Eirika's Chapter 15: Scorched Sand or Ephraim's Chapter 14: Father and Son. Interestingly, the son does not appear during the Chapter. I'm sorry, i, I mean I, slightly lied again. The son, Lyon, appears in conversation scenes before and after the main conflict in Father and Son. However, I am slightly digressing. Upon completion of said Chapter(s), Garm, along with Gleipnir, are added to the main character's inventory. However, something interesting happens when the main character's inventory is full. I am sorry, what happens isn't very interesting. Something truly interesting does happen when the main character's inventory and the Supply convoy is full. In the first instance, you will have to send two of the main character's items to Supply, and you will have to discard two of the main character's items in the latter circumstance. This creates the interesting paradox where the sacred relics of Grado can be simply discarded. This is interesting because such powerful items, two of the eight used to defeat the feared Demon King, are merely thrown away. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. SMACK MY ASS BABY! DO IT NOW! Only seven of those items can be used against the Demon King. Latona, the Holy Staff of Rausten, cannot be used against the Demon King because it is a staff that heals all of your units except the one who uses it. However, it has little strategic use because getting one of your units to S-Rank Staves is worthless. I'm sorry, I digressed yet again. Please discipline me, Master.
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